Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
