Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
