: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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