i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Randomize
