he puts the penis in happiness.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
