Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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