Having a random hookup so left but love u
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
