sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
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the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
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