i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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