Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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