There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
