If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
