I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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