Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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