20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
