I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
