we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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