she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
