i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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