I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
