The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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