he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
