Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
