So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I will pee on everything he values.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
