One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
