He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
