HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
There r osticjed everywhere
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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