I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Houston, we have a squirter
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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