batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Randomize
