i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Every concussion has its silver lining
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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