Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
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