I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
