I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
