your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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