Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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