It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
