1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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