What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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