Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
