hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize