i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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