no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
