yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
