There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
