I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
