Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
she looked like the before picture.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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