To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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