just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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