I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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