Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
