there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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