Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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