I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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