Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
