This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
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