He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
