xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
