She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
smell my finger.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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