omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
