dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
