hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
