Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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