How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You have to summon your inner elephant
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
