I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
