did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
