Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
