is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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