How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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