The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
