This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
