I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Someone signed my nipple.
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