I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I will pee on everything he values.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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