I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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