I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
