Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
