my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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