Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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