Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
