I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
