Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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