He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
