Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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