Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
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Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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