can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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