I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
