Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Randomize
