I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
