I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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