I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
